It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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