I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
