the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
