I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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