he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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