I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
