There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
