I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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