My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
