i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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