ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
