Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
