I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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