So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
