Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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