dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
