I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
