What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
