I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
