I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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