So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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