HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i jhust puked up my retainher.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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