If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
