1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
