ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
