Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
