a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
