True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
