Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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