ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
