how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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