Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
