It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
