I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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