They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
