i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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