I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
