Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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