I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
