She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
