I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
