im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
