I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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