there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I will die if light touches me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
