I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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