Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
