You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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