I got chris browned last night
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
