I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
