I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think people are normalizing furries
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
